Call me old-fashioned, but I like it when a man opens a door for me; when they pull out my chair at a restaurant and when they lend me their jacket to keep me from being cold. It’s those tiny little details that help distinguish between class and crap. And when I say “class” I don’t mean as a social, economic distinction, but rather as a moral one.
Unfortunately, chivalry or “caballerismo” as we call it in spanish, became associated with men and male chauvinism. Some seriously disturbed feminist decided that chivalry was somehow an indirect way of calling women weak and incapable and vouched against it. The protest was a hit and the result was that men have stopped being nice. Now, I don’t understand why opening a car door or front door for a lady is in any way calling her weak. Nobody actually believes she is incapable of opening the door herself. The purpose of such gesture is not to insult, but rather to demonstrate that this a man who cares about your well-being and will try to make you as comfortable as possible. How can that be insulting?I repeat, it must have been a seriously disturbed feminist.
Now to the bill. Modern women for some absent-minded reason don’t like having men pay for the bill. “I can pay for it myself!” they protest. Ha! We know! Let him pay damn it! Don’t ruin it for the rest of us! He wants to pay. It makes him feel accomplished. He shows you he can stand on his own two feet and should the need arise, can hold you up too. Trust me, at the end of the night, you want a man who can afford to pay the bill. It’s not about being “maintained” or “kept.” It’s about showing he is capable. After all, you don’t want to have to “keep” him, do you? And just because he pays, it doesn’t mean you need to put out. As if…
Of course, I’m a modern woman myself and I don’t think men should pay for EVERYTHING all the time. If you get a midnight craving for ice cream and he’s just coming along for the ride, you should pay for it yourself, but that’s when the delicate balance between two people forms and each couple is different. Hey, whatever works, works! Just remember one word: reciprocity. Role division is not about gender, it’s about equilibrium.
IT’S NOT JUST FOR MEN.
Nope. It’s not. Chivalry is about grabbing the opportunity to provide a service. That means, a lady opens a door for an older man or woman. Or we hold open a door we had already opened for ourselves. Heck, it’s not even chivalrous; it’s common courtesy. And perhaps they are one and the same. It’s rude to let a door slam in somebody else’s face. And it’s nice to open a door and let the old lady behind you step in first. It’s not necessary, it’s just really nice. And nice makes a good impression, and in the long run, nice opens doors for you. Call it karma if you will. In my book, karma is long-term cause and effect (possible future blog subject).
So be nice, be chivalrous, be courteous, and by all means, let others be chivalrous towards you. Life is just better that way; really! Thumbs up for old school chivalry. Keep it up!
I was just thinking about the same thing today! Thank you for the well-written post. I have considered myself a feminist (or what ever you want to call it now) and there is really little relation between a man opening a door for you and women’s’ rights these days. It is kind, respectable, and I am much more attracted to men who practice these “old fashioned” gestures. And as you said, of course it is reciprocal. By no means does this practice mean I am not a self sufficient and strong woman. My parents are a perfect example: my step dad finds joy in opening the door for my mother or bringing the car around for her when it’s pouring rain. She never has taken it for granted and their relationship is totally based on equality.
Really it boils down to this: people like to be treated well, and there is nothing wrong with old fashioned chivalry because women feel appreciated.
Thank you for the post!
Thank you! It is just as you say; we all like to be treated well.
I have dated for a while and have some feedback in this sense for you… Men feel many times weird about chivalry because it hits on diferent levels to women, and I explain:
– Majority of women use it as an excuse to just be lazy and not pay bills but still demand courtesy. Its just convinient because they abuse and confuse what is courtesy and what is an obligation. Thats were men many times get pissed off and ditch chivalry.
For those few who understand the word balance then chivalry is reborn if the man has the manners embedded in him. Many times it just takes a little loving and patience from the girl to just talk to him and give him some training.
I agree 300% with chivalry and common courtesy. I disagree 300% with women using this as an excuse for lazy, and scrub behavior. That is why I respect and tailor to the proud women who say I dont need anything from you because when your in love you look for love and nothing else. Material value is of no importance. When mixed this interest it fucks up chivalry.
Yes, I’m sorry that some women take advantage of chivalrous men and do not reciprocate. I smell gold diggers. But please don’t stop the chivalry! There are still gentle ladies out there!
I agree with you. I believe we have lost that strong sense of service and more importantly respect. How do we gain that back? How do women feel appreciated when a gentleman opens the door or offers to pay? I would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for letting me comment.
Thanks for commenting! I think the best way to lead is by example. I try to be serviceable whenever possible. However, I find small gestures even more meaningful than paying a big bill or something like that.