The 5 Things Women Need to Make Men Happy

So as not to leave the men out regarding the previous post. Here it is:

1. TITS OR ASS. A given. The truth is we have to have at least one of these. Bony actually is NOT attractive. If you have both, you get extra points (and leverage).

2. YES MODE BUTTON. When activated, the yes mode allows for the female to say “yes” to every single proposition provided by the male, including golfing, night out with the guys, sex, house projects with no end dates, visits from the in-laws and everything with ABSOLUTELY NO EXCEPTIONS. “No” and all its synonyms are simply deleted from the female brain.

3. MUTE BUTTON. Ah! Every man’s dream. The mute button allows you to temporarily mute the volume in your girl. Oblivious to her, who continues blabbing on without being aware of her muteness.

4. AUTOMATIC NAG CENSORSHIP.  Yes. This feature delivers a tiny, yet painful electric shock whenever a nagging thought enters the brain, therefore preventing it from being spoken out loud. No long-term relationship can survive without it!

5. PORN STAR CREATIVITY. Duh! As if you didn’t know. Men want to have sex as much as possible. Lack of sexual appetite just won’t do. And just laying there won’t cut it either so watch your porn and learn.