Recent events have sparked a renewed interest in the subject of depression and suicide. People are trying to understand what exactly is depression and what drives a person to take their own life. Well, I can tell you one thing: It sucks both ways!
Yes, being depressed is perhaps the worst feeling in the world. And sadly, it’s not a temporary feeling. It is a constant, recurring, eternally repeating process of one crappy thought after another. You cry. You cry all day, and sometimes you don’t even know why you’re crying. You realize you’re an ass for crying for no reason and that makes you feel even worse. Your brain tells you every single crappy comment people keep writing on their walls, but it doesn’t really matter. You really just wish you could stop feeling so absolutely horrible. You wish you could stop crying. You wish everything would end. And that’s when suicide pops into your head.
The mere thought of it makes you feel ashamed. What are you thinking? How could you think that? And in comes another wave of crappy. You suck. You suck for thinking this. Really, you ungrateful little b·$%!
Do you feel bad already? Because that’s what depression is: The previous paragraphs endlessly repeating in your head for days, weeks, months. Like I said. It is the worst feeling.
Then again, being around a depressed person sucks too! I’ve been there. They just keep complaining on and on about everything. And after a while it gets to you. The negative energy permeates your skin and starts to put you in a bad mood. That’s why seriously depressed people tend to get rejected after a while. Their negativity affects those around them and people shun it.
And hence the cycle is perpetuated. The depressed shuts out even more, their friends start to drift away and the negative emotions find another foothold. The hole digs a little deeper. Blah!
In my own experience, when someone contemplates suicide, it is mainly to make it stop. Like the tortured that will admit to anything in order to stop the pain, the suicide attempt is, for the depressed, the only way out. It is the only way to stop the sadness.
